So there you have it, my overgrown faith in the God of the Romantique wasted at His feet and before your eyes. True to form my thoughts and posts have been random, brief, unedited, imperfect, incomplete and, after some rereading, repetitious at times. Sorry about that. After all these years of expectation only one issue of unbelief remains for me:
I can’t believe I still believe.
I found out this week, through a challenging conversation with my friend, I’ve picked up some secret shame along my way in this faith. I don’t know upon which birthday I found it but it’s the shame of my faith not being fulfilled by now. For me to have remained unmarried up to this age is what “they” call a spinster. Yeah, there’s a word for it, and it’s not flattering. There is also the shame of standing before a generation who’s been watching my faith. Recently I’ve been watching them back. I know they are starting to secretly question if this vintage way is really a way of God. If it was not evident in His Word, trust me, I would question it too.
I did what I knew to do with the shame. I confessed it. Jesus took me to Song of Solomon 6:5 and said to my heart, “Turn away your [flashing] eyes from me, for they have overcome me!” It was as though He too can’t believe I still believe. Can’t you hear His marvel echoed, “I tell you, I haven’t seen faith like this in all Israel!” Even in the midst of secret shame my faith lives. His pleasure meter was popping coils.
I amaze Jesus. What the …?
You need to understand, self-determination did not bring me to great faith. Love did. He promised me a romantic love 23 years ago. Who knew romantic love would only be a yummy sweet cherry on the fat scoop of a First Love sundae? Who knew He could sustain the faith of a natural born quitter over two decades until it became great? He knew. Do you have the dream of thrilling His heart? I didn’t when I started but I do now.
He’s taken this past year to convince me that a revival of His vintage way of love is coming. Veils that have been hiding us from one another will finally rend. Our weddings will impart to others a greater grace and greater faith to prepare hearts for more divine matches to fill the earth. What has been dishonored will be honored. What has been shamed will be celebrated. What has been misunderstood will be desired. What has been unpopular will begin to trend. So file your hashtags #godoftheromtantique, #vintagelove, #firstloverules, whatever. All that I know is, it’s coming. Check out this word from Bill Yount. It came out after the word I got in July 2013.
To you who-know-that-I-know-you have been waiting too, I want to share a picture I got during worship at Renaissance a month ago. For a split second, why my pictures are only a split of a second I know not, but anyway, I saw in my imagination Jesus moshing His way up the left isle. He was amp’d, almost violent with excitement. I heard His heart inside my heart, “I’m bringing you a miracle!” He was so excited because like you, I waited with Him up to the point of a miracle. Why? Because He doesn’t get this chance often enough. I think it’s safe to say He is way pumped to show off your romantic dream. Thank you for thrilling His heart with your great faith. I love you guys and I-know-you-know-who-you are. Thanks for the tweets and the texts and the call, it’s good to know you’re not alone when you’re alone.
Lastly, a note for my veiled husband. Of all the exciting adventures I could dream up for you and me, I can no longer imagine one of them to be more thrilling to my heart than the enchanting adventures I get to take into knowing the likes of you.
Well, there you have it, a peek at my wasted faith -XOXO