Re-awakening the blog to express my overgrown faith in the God of the Romantique until such a time it is fully wasted at His feet. Expect thoughts and posts to be random, brief, unedited, imperfect and incomplete… it’s called thinking out-loud.
I’ve lived in the faith that God alone is big enough and generous enough to bring me into my desire for matrimony. I’ve reasoned: He is God, He doesn’t need my assistance in the arranging, just my faith and obedience. He orders my steps and will initiate all things in His time because He knows all things. Like a good Father I imagine it to be a great joy for Him to give to His kids the long awaited desires of their hearts. He’s a good Shepherd, faithful to speak to me in the intimate ways He has made me to hear Him. God is perfect, therefore, His choice will be perfect; perfectly fitted to me with all the delights and imperfections needed to uncover my own.
As of late He’s been challenging me to remove the “it would in His best interest” rational from my request. He dares me to ask from a pure understanding that He loves giving to me just because I am His and He loves me.
So I’ve pushed through to the core of my of matrimonial desire. I’ve tried to peel away all the reasoning’s stating what a benefit my marriage would be for the Kingdom. Its left me to contemplate the simple naked truth of my desire. Within this large, take-a-deep-breath-run-on-sentence I state my honest claim: I just want a creative companion of daring faith who is impassioned like me to live out the second half of our lives, married; deeply enjoying who He has created us to be for Him and for one another and spend our days watching people fall in love with Jesus as they encounter what we create together along our way to knowing Him more…. today I see what is the honest motive underneath the noble motive of my desire:
…and for this one motive I need not repent, apologize, nor justify because joy is Who He is
I am not my gifts. I have gifts. I am not a tool. I have tools. I am not deserving, He is. The fullness of His joy comes from the fullness of my joy. I am His delight. This is enough reason to expect His goodness toward me. The same is true for you.
In waiting for love I have not waited alone. He is the only One Who has waited in this faith with me. We have not waited in vain. Along the way I fell in love anyway. I fell in love with Him and I am so freak’n excited to give away to my husband what He and I have managed grow in the waiting.
Truth is, if He never did one more thing for me I will love Him still. Today my faith is reassured that the feeling is mutual. He too will love me whether or not I ever do one more thing for the sake of His Kingdom. Simply because I am His, He desires to give.
Take it for what it is worth for you and Him and see ya next week, maybe:-) It’s random, remember?